Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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