Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
