does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
