Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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