I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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