Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
