I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize