No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
