It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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