my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The Olympian is in my bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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