operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
