You just made me feel so damn special
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
