i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
