oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
