The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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