I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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