He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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