Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
