I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
