I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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