you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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