I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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