I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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