Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
