The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
