how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is dick and wine.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
