Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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