we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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