you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
