and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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