i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
