New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
