so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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