This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
