It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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