This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
