i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
