I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
