i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
