Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
