You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
