Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
