found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
