It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
