I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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