i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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