I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
