He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
