My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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