You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
