I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
