Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
