I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
