i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
