she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
