It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
