Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
