So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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