He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
whose ass print is on the piano?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
