im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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