i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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