this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
