are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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