I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
