I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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