nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
