Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize