New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
