youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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