i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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