Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
