just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
