I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
