i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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