I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
