I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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