batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
