There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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