"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
