I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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