We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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