we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
3pm strippers are depressing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
