I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
