In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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