any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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