i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
