you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
