You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im part way to drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My bed smells like the plague
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
