We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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