I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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