Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
