Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
