I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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