I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
