He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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