Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
