your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i love accidental penises.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize