I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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